TOMATO SOUP

Sometimes I just love

A bowl of Heinz tomato soup

Bright and orange and sweet

florescent coloured gloop.

Sometimes I like to add

a spoonful of double cream

decadent I know,

But oh what a soupy dream.

Like a river of tomtao lava

it glides down my gullet.

Oh God. It's so delicious.

Even better than red mullet.

PERHAPS I'D LIKE TO BE

Sometimes I think I'd like to implode

Live a simple life as jolly toad.

Leaping lightly through meadows sweet

Or maybe I'd like to be a cured meat?

A wafer thin slice of parma ham

pink and tender, soft as a spring lamb.

Or perhaps I'd like to be, a raspberry tipped milky breast?

Beautiful pillowy mountains atop a sculpted chest.

Tits and ham and toads.

Fireworks, cheese and choads.

All these things are all very well

But I'll stick with being me, because I'm fantastic and swell.

JACK AND THE SPIDER SANDWICH

Jack the worm was a complex little fellow

He had strange desires, low self esteem and was surprisingly talented on the cello.

He seldom wanted something to eat but today he craved a very,very special treat.

He wanted to eat a spider sandwich.

Soft, white bread, butter and arachnids.

This spidery, doughy dream

seemed to him, more essential than his spleen.

But something inside him rejected this long legged treat

self loathing seeped out of his pores and try as he might, he just couldn't eat.

He hated himself, he thought he was really, really crap

So he didn't eat the sandwich. He just had a nap.